Four Awesome Features All Federmobiles Should Have

This past weekend I ended up running an errand in my buddies 2010 Volkswagen GTI. The first thing I noticed was four buttons sitting in-front of the shifter. These four features are clearly things I need on future Federmobiles.

  • Oil Slick: Pretty self explanitory. Push it and the car will create and oil slick puddle so the bad guys will crash.
  • Missiles: Again, pretty self explanatory. Push to activate the heat-seeking missiles that will destroy that Toyota Corolla in front of you.
  • Ludicrous Speed: This one is an interesting feature. Push the button and you will instantly be well above legal speeds. Think of it as NOS, but from the future.
  • Eject: Well obviously this is for the ejector seat. You know that annoying kid you have to drive in the carpool? Yea, warn him if he doesn’t quiet down he’ll be taking a trip into the sky…

Yes, all of the above are awesome features in my buddies GTI. I love it. I can’t wait for the next Federmobile to have the above features.

Note: The above features are not real. The buttons have stickers on them. No children have ever been ejected from my buddies GTI.

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5 Responses to “Four Awesome Features All Federmobiles Should Have”

  1. #1 mandatory feature every GTI should have: MANUAL TRANSMISSION.

    06/14/2011 at 10:28 am Reply
  2. bepsf #

    Joel –
    You totally left out the Klingon Cloaking device – So that the Highway Revenue Patrol won’t know you’re clipping along at 30+ over the limit…

    07/06/2011 at 6:48 pm Reply
  3. bepsf #

    …tho I do like the “ESP OFF” button.

    “Honey, I really don’t want to know what you’re thinking anymore ((CLICK))
    There, that’s better!”

    07/07/2011 at 6:01 pm Reply
  4. Can you ask where your buddy got these and update the post? I can think of a few places in the Focus that needs them…

    07/18/2011 at 4:36 pm Reply

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